Oh, you who read this...You probably have no idea what goes through the mind of a fast-food worker when you order everything ass-backwards...or when you modify something twenty times...or when you change your mind at the last minute...
Plainly, you're a fucking annoying asshole the second you come through the drive-thru, or even inside the door. We've already profiled you as the type of person who can't go to the market and get your own food to prepare. And, despite how many times we (the workers) have been guilty of the fast-food craving...we still think you're awful people.
We frankly CANNOT STAND YOU.
We speak cheerfully when you order, when you change things, when you want onion rings instead of fries...we ring up your total without a glitch...or so you think.
Really, we're just standing there praying you shut the hell up and make it as short and sweet as possible.
The difference between an "asshole" customer, and an "easy" customer can be exemplified thus:
An "Easy" customer, will order this way:
WHOPPER JR.
LARGE FRIES
LARGE COKE
An "Asshole" customer, will order this way:
WHOPPER JR.
NO PICKLES
EXTRA LETTUCE
LIGHT ON THE MUSTARD
OFF THE BROILER CUT IN HALF
MEDIUM (VOID) LARGE FRIES
NO SALT
OFF THE FRYER
LARGE COKE
LITE ICE
Do you now see?
Do you now understand how absolutely ridiculous it is for me to try to explain?
I never really realized what it was like to be standing there, witnessing a rapid decline in culinary culture and the raise of industrial commercialism. I mean, these things really start to sink in when you see obese parents on the daily coming in and ordering eight piece chicken nuggets and fries for their small children...
Little do their pea-brains comprehend that they are feeding a constantly growing monster of an instant-gratification society.
I know I'm getting a little deep with this, but hear me out:
My own habits have began to change because of my involvement in this business.
I find myself not buying fast food, on the grounds of sensibility.
I realize now that there is a plethora of possibilities waiting for me in my own kitchen cupboard, and all I need do is think a little of how to put them all together, and I have a wonderfully new dish with which to satisfy myself.
The next time you think about ordering fast food, imagine what else you could be doing instead...
maybe then, you'd be making my job a little easier.
